Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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