I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
