Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
