he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
