i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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