Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize