new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
zippers are such a cool invention
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
