I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
