Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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