I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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