yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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