4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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