We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
