You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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