Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
