I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
