I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
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She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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