when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
