I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
