Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
