Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
