It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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