morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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