Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
