Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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