duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
