i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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