i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
