i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
