Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
