The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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