Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
pop tarts are not kleenex
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
