Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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