i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
