it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You were trust falling into bushes
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
