I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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