At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
