I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You ate ashes out of my bong
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
