maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
