Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
