So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
