After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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