to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
