I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The feeling are messing with the penis
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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