DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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