how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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