well I can't set my house on fire every night
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
