Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
