dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
