you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
