when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
