I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
