So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
