please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
