I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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