It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
