I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
there was a trapeze. enough said
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
