I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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