You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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