Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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