oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
