Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
