Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
