i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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