And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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