the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
All the doctor said was why
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
