When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
