We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
