I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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