How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just puked most of my soul out..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
