Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
