God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
