somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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