i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
