I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
