Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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