Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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