history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize