I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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