I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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