I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
